DISCLAIMER: I know that there are some grammatical errors littered throughout this article, as well as some weirdly structured sentences. I’ll get to it later. I might also add a little more content, I just wanted to get this over with before losing interest and scrapping the entire thing.

Author’s Note

“Khaleeji” is a term used to describe Arabs from the Arabian Gulf region. The countries typically listed in this category are the Kingdom of Saudia Arabia, Kuwait, Bahrain, Qatar, Oman, and the United Arab Emirates. One thing to keep in mind, however, is that a considerable chunk of nationalities from the rest of the Arab world also exist within the Khaleeji paradigm through marrying into it or working in the region for over 10-15 years. I believe that this factor, along with the undeniable wave of globalization and mere personal inclinations which are different from one person to the other contribute to this list, and that, by no means documents all possible types but merely the ones that I am aware of being conscious about.

This article is a comprehensive list of the types of individuals found specifically in the Khaleeji crowd in Twitter, dubbed “5aleeji” through the use of Roman characters posing as Arabic ones; case in point being the number five, which bears the resemblance to the letter “خ”, which in turn sounds like “kha’”. I must admit, this is probably the first time in a long time where I have been part of a locally Arab awareness and I have Twitter to thank for that. I have been spending a long time on Twitter; probably almost a year of actively posting through the medium and reading what people have to say. One thought that keeps resounding in my mind to me is that while some types are absolutely delightful, others are downright sickening, and of course, there is everything in between. When I say sickening, it is through a personal context that spares little indulgence for immaturity in the form of hedonism and general jackassery in regards to having no tolerance for what the modern day compilation of what a 5aleeji Arab is, and the general identity which it is solidified through. At least the school of thought in the average 5aleeji household is that to be an Arab is to be respectful. The reasons for being respectful may vary (see: worried about gossip, doing the gossiping, and I will go out on a limb and say common decency being a dictator amongst the rest) but being respectful and not only seeming that is a large factor in our culture.

I also take this opportunity to shed any doubt about my having minimal respect towards people who seem to labor under delusions that to be an Arab is inherently guilty of whatever that may be bugging them about their lives at any given moment, strive to embrace other cultures without showing a particle of reason or reflection, all while simultaneously having nothing positive to say about what it means to be an Arab. I try my best to avoid this sort after collecting enough information about them to satiate any curiosity that I may have had.  At the same time I have also detected that these individuals do not seem to see themselves as Arabs to begin with, which is a whole other topic; why someone makes it a point to be as negative as possible might be their understanding of what intelligent looks like, which in turn makes me doubt just how they measure anything in life. …Then again, trolls are not difficult to detect either.

Moving on to the article…

5aleeji Twitter Types

1. Silent stalkers.
   • Probably the most noticeable 5aleeji Twitter user. These seem to generally be older, or dummy accounts of youngsters who try to follow other hidden accounts (even public-nothing is off limits). In any case, they are many and probably belong to people who do not know how to make use of the List feature. Silent stalkers’ tweets take form in replies to other users, and it is usually a “lol” or a flippant remark about how they are offended. They do not seem to have any desire to follow through with any initiated conversation and probably prefer to avoid too much interaction with people on Twitter. …No, you sit there and think about it for a little while.
   • I cannot help but think that they are a little creepy for wanting to follow a lot of people, but at the same time are in it for the pursuit of information over actually contributing anything. They are most likely secretive by nature and have some paranoia about ever being “found out”. What is so incriminating about following people, I will never know.
   • …Then I remember the Anti-Hobby stance which most 5aleejis take due to what is probably a too physically comfortable but an intellectually dullard approach life. I am not saying that those who try to fit generic stereotypes nurtured by Tumblr and the internet in general are any better, mind you. In any case, the silent stalkers are simply honest-to-God nosy individuals who will reveal nothing and expect access to everything. What I dislike about these stalkers, specifically the ones with multiple accounts, is that I would not put it beyond them, no, I have got an inkling that I have seen at least one be nasty about a specific topic on multiple issues while expressing startling amounts of love via what could be another account. Yeah, if you are on Twitter as much as I am, you will occasionally see them accidentally posting praise for what they have previously made it a point to express hatred for. I know this one makes for a lot of  obvious red flags, but you put a pin on that and figure it out for yourself.
2. Obsessive About Certain Topics
   • Music, sports, celebrity hangnails. I do not understand these people. The music angle I can bear with, people just tend to naturally be obnoxious about their music (I plug Nina Simone like it is no one’s business) and want to share what sounds good to them. The difference between the music angle and the sports (mostly soccer) and celebrity tripe is that while music clips can be linked, they are not done so for 90 minutes plus over time in the form of “GOAAAAAAL” and “OMG PEPITOZ SCOARD A GOAL”. They will all report the goal, the foul, or just how many beads of sweat are rolling down some pissed off Italian’s nose. It gets old. Fast.
3. Conspiracy Theorists
   • …Also known as the I’mTheOneGeniusWho’sGotitAllFiguredOutists. The span of these political bombshells (empty shells, but even those at look like bombshells until you go examining their logic and reasons which unfortunately do not extend beyond ‘I just think so’ due to either having no actual grounds worth sharing or simply not feeling secure enough to put these views up for discussion while also being readily available to wave their arms and have a lot to say about anyone else’s business, views, or matters that ironically are never elevated past the societal gutter) is heavily outweighed by the general theme of their tweets. They are usually posting about how they wish they were drunk, get a sleeve tattoo, and concepts that no one really wants to know anything about unless they are like-minded or simply as intellectually unambitious. These people are generally abrasive, show no inclination towards putting any comprehension into realizing the fact that the 5aleeji culture is in fact its own culture which does not need to be put up against these outrageous claims that utopias apparently exist somewhere and need to be caught up to. What disappoints me off the most about these people is that they seem unaware of how insecure they seem when they flaunt their lack of roots, respect for society (and regardless of how flawed one thinks society is, one works to fix it, not cry about it like a runt and expect things to “change now or I’ll just die! …Or just make more blanket statements about how you’re all sheep.” based on an unrealistic, romanticized view in their mind that even they are not completely aware of). These are a bit like the martyrs (next point), if not are the shepherds of them. Short explanation: Pissed off teenager does not know better. You might want to worry when they are in their 20s, though.
4. Martyrs
   • These are the geniuses , idiots, raw human beings who need to put up with the rest of us. When I say “us” I mean it in the sense that the martyr mentality has not the capacity to distinguish between itself and the rest of the world. A condescending proverbial bow to you. Their lives are difficult. Comfortably so. They too make it a point to fall in line and nod earnestly to what the conspiracy theorists (remember, aka: I’mTheOneGeniusWho’sGotitAllFiguredOutists) have to say, mostly  because, and it is only my suspsuspicion, these guys…
5. Intellectuals
   • I like these people quite a bit. Not because they make it a point to be as flamboyant and extravagant in their displays of intelligence, but because their often short tweets are consice, thought-provoking, and thrilling to read. The one downside is that they are not usually frequent posters. Always worth the wait, however.
6. Delightfully Hilarious
   • So. Cute.
   • These people are pretty sharp, have a lot to say, and say it in an interesting way most of the time. They tend to be young adults, though the younger the funnier they seem to be. This is actually a lot of fun to pick up on, mostly because it makes me proud to see such a rise in awesome.
7. Unintentionally Hilarious
   • (See: Martyrs, The Voice of (Selective) Reason, Conspiracy Theorists, Stalkers when they tweet from the wroung account.)
8.  Everything is An Innuendo
   • Stuck in the land of Puberty and tortured every second with machetes in the form of hormones. Not quite so annoying and easy to ignore until they decide to apply glossy coats of an overcompensating presumptions of what a macho attitude is and a deprived sense of worth as an individual. A plain textbook case (any PSYCH 101 textbook, in fact) of unchecked imprudence.
9. Twitter: It’s a Dating Service!
   • Boys who suck at life and think that Twitter is the ideal place to pick up equally gawdy other halves. The problem is when they begin to harrassing girls who shoot them down. This is pretty much the e-form of intellectually uneventful men and women.
10. The Voice of (Selective) Reason/Ray of Artificial Sunshine
    • These people are perhaps the most irritating sort to me. Maybe you will feel the same way once I brainwash you. No, I am just being honest, because you might disagree with some of the things in this a rticle your sole reason for objecting is having detected my shameless propaganda in the vicious war against positivity on Twitter. Twitter is the most noble form of communication and should be kept sterile from opinions which directly conflict with yours–positivity. It could be because you are too positive to put up with any form of criticism, whether it be nearing a valid point or two. Or not. Because positivity means saying that everything is alright and that talking about something is not the first step of solving any issues. It is true. I just cannot get over being not fun and unhappy as defined by ‘someone who wants to talk about what could be worth fixing as opposed to not saying anything at all’. No, I had better not mess with the positive people. El simoo7a ya ahl el eejabia.
    • Quick note: I cannot help but get the vibe that these people usually simply want to get away with tweeting some of the most ironic things while under the guise of positivity. I just do not get it, nor will I ever. There is more substance to a person, and this seems a tad inauthentic especially of the point is to be positive.