Ugh.

As stated in numerous posts, I’m just not feeling this game. Despite what certain moronic sites that know nothing about their games are saying, PoP on PS3 would get a seven-and-half out of ten, max, as far as scoring goes; and I’m being generous.

The entire pattern expressed in this game is as follows:

1. 

   Note the AMAZINGLY original outfit!

   Run around, looking nothing like your old, no, original self-nevermind that your new personality is unsettling.

2. Wear a stolen Basch’s outfit (I don’t know why there are so many thieves running around these days, in games and out-honey) because the designers of the game didn’t really care to spare any originality with regards to their character’s look.
3. Make sure the love interest for our protagonist (both being shoved down our throats,) is dressed in a bedsheet, more or less-oh and make her barefoot, we like the thought of having a princess running around with uncombed hair and no sandals.
4. Run.
5. Jump.
6. Jump higher and faster.
7. Fall.
8. Die.
9. Run.
10. Jump.
11. Jump higher and faster.
12. Fall.
13. Die.
14. Also, collect little blue flares because apparently the prince has some identity crisis, thinking he’s Crash the Bandicoot.
15. Oh, and you can run along walls using this horrible-looking steel glove.
16. I really don’t think there’s anything more to say with regards to 99% of what you’ll be doing this game, because that’s it.

Game Screenshot

So, what else does PoP bring? Speaking with regards to sheer aesthetic value, the game looks phenomenal. It’s great to see that, like Eternal Sonata, Prince of Persia doesn’t make it a point to exhaust the capabilites of the PS3 to present realistic imagery.

Now, sure, you’ll say Assassin’s Creed was reptitive, and I’ll give you that one, sure, but unlike PoP, where you’re left to wander around inside what seems to be a massive dungeon, with a barbarian princess, in AC you literally had the world to explore-meaning you had a lot of other mini-things to accomplish-meaning you didn’t have to be doing the same freaking thing in one long, closely-linked chain with little to no room to breathe. The equation to create the illusion of freedom has been butchered. Butchered! Maybe I just really hate this game, but on the other hand, I’ve yet to feel completely alone in any game-not for a long time. In PoP, despite the blunt, forced banter between the prince and princess (God, I feel my IQ dropping 10 times just typing those words out) it really does feel as if I’m playing completely alone, with some insane bare-footed chick with a bad hair day.

Onwards to combat, which you’re only allowed to engage in for 1% of the entire gaming experience: even that sucks. It’s pretty much just a duel, where you mash your buttons-but it’s a long duel, and it takes “thinking,” I’m sure you’d like to say-but no, all it takes is stepping closer while holding down R2, then trying to basically shove your opponents off the ledge, or burn them down. Either way, it’s slow-paced, dull, and repetitive in its own right:

1. R2.
2. X+Direction
3. Circle/Triangle/Sqaure
4. R2 for five to six slow attacks that force you backwards, effectively proving your efforts to push the enemy back moot.

A very accurate statistical presentation of how much suck this game contains.

What else? I’ve thus far forced myself to clear my way to one of the four major bosses, it seems, and the only boring shift I noticed besides all the amazing, awesome, oh-so-great stuff mentioned  already is that in some areas, imaginary black dust kills you if you don’t move past it quick enough.

Yeah.

That’s as severe as it gets.

If you’re considering buying the game, and if the idea of roaming around with some chick to run on walls, slide down a lot of conveniently-placed-together slopes, run around on more walls, jump, and jump higher with the help of this “convenient” (I call it “taxing,” since the free-loading princess from hell won’t work when I need her to) buddy-system while battling your few enemies and “exploring” this trap they call an e-world.

…Anyway, buy it, you’ll like it, I’ll admit it becomes exciting to execute some of the monkey tricks I can make the prince do-but then I’m reminded with a huge weigh that is, I’ll be doing this over and over and over again. In terms of logevity, this game is going to be time-consuming as it’s huge… A huge pain in the area you use to sit located  immediately above your feet, by about, uh… I hate to be technical-a leg.

In many ways, PoP brings a lot to the table. In more ways, it makes me want to grab it by the face and rub its ways all over its face because it sucks.

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